


Cryptic

by Mely (Celyan)



Category: Dir en grey
Genre: Angst and Feels, M/M, Non-Explicit Sex, Slice of Life, also they have a cat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-17
Updated: 2018-10-17
Packaged: 2019-08-03 14:59:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16328216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Celyan/pseuds/Mely
Summary: Wherein they both are cryptic in their own ways. And then there's also the cat.





	Cryptic

**Author's Note:**

> This was written in 2010 as a part of an anonymous fic exchange over at LJ.

**4:23**

The alarm clock’s red numbers shine brightly on the bedside table when Toshiya wakes up from his slumber after a long, long night.

No warm person next to him. No Kaoru. Not even the cat wants to grace him with her presence. He is alone in the chillness of their bedroom; alone, cold, and miserable.

He sighs, pulls the covers up to his nose and wishes for sleep to come.

\---

**7:30**

Toshiya wakes up to find Kaoru sleeping on his side of the bed.

The cat is curled up at their feet.

Toshiya lies there, quiet and unmoving, until it’s time to get up.

By the time Kaoru leaves the bed, Toshiya is gone.

\--

The breakfast table is quiet with Toshiya sipping his first cup of coffee and reading the newspaper (what little he’s able to see, for the cat has decided that her owner should read her instead, and thus has stretched out her body over all available space, the long, elegant cat that she is, and Toshiya’s lips did form a small, distant smile that faded as soon as he could hear movement from the bedroom).

Kaoru, whose eyes sweep over the black glasses and a small frown of concentration marring the otherwise smooth forehead of his lover, makes his way over to the table, sits down opposite Toshiya and places his cup of steaming hot coffee next to the cat. She sniffs at it, and gives Kaoru a look that plainly shows her wonder over the reason why her humans can even consider drinking something like that.

Kaoru smiles and reaches out a hand to pet her, and she purrs. He wishes he could just do that to Toshiya, too, and get the same reaction.

Toshiya looks up from his cat-covered newspaper and turns his face to Kaoru, quiet and unblinking, and Kaoru cannot shake off the feeling that the other expects something in particular of him.

Something he has failed to mention to him, thus leaving Kaoru in the dark.

Again.

Toshiya only waits for a few moments, and then resumes his reading.

Leaving Kaoru feeling as confused as ever.

\--

Kaoru sits down next to Toshiya on the couch later that day.

“We should talk.”

Toshiya ignores him.

“Toshiya…”

“Well, talk then.”

Kaoru sighs. “What’s wrong with you now?”

Toshiya narrows his eyes. “You are, actually.”

Kaoru isn’t quite sure what his lover means, now. “I did something…?”

“It’s more about what you didn’t do, at the moment.”

Kaoru is puzzled, and Toshiya can sense it. He rolls his eyes, pulls the cat into his arms from her place next to the side of the couch and turns on the TV. She purrs when he strokes her belly and Toshiya loves the familiar feeling.

\--

_“I don’t think that’s a wise idea, love.”_

_Kaoru sounds so sure about himself that Toshiya momentarily wants to punch something._

__

__

_“And why is that, oh master of the universe?”_

__

__

_The guitarist frowns. “No need to get sarcastic, I’m only thinking about what’s best for you.”_

__

__

_Toshiya snorts. “What’s best for me? Oh please. You just want me to do exactly what you want.”_

__

__

_“How can I help it if I just happen to know better?”_

Better? You conceited bastard.

_“Ha ha ha, so very funny. See how much I’m laughing?” The bassist says dryly._

__

__

_“I still stand my ground,” says Kaoru in return, and Toshiya shakes his head, then makes his way over to the couch. To hell with Kaoru and his supposedly superior knowledge!_

\--

Sometimes, Toshiya wishes Kaoru wouldn’t be quite so certain about his opinions being the correct ones. There are flaws in everyone, after all, and one way of thinking isn’t necessarily better than another one.

But then again, it was _Kaoru_ he was talking about…

\--

Sometimes, Kaoru wishes Toshiya wouldn’t be quite so stubborn and fixed on thinking that he just wanted to control his lover. It wasn’t that, sometimes he just may have had problems with wording himself correctly.

But then again, it was _Toshiya_ he was talking about…

\--

Toshiya picks at his bowl of rice with his chopsticks, slow and meticulous movements, one grain of rice at a time. He does not look up, does not face Kaoru’s intense stare, but simply brings the grains to his mouth, one by one.

Kaoru chuckles lowly.

“You do not own me,” Toshiya speaks down at his rice, and Kaoru has troubles separating any feeling from that flat tone of voice the other is sporting. Pensive, he sucks on the end of one of his chopsticks. Toshiya frowns at the sound, but doesn’t care enough to comment.

He rarely does, nowadays.

And it frightens him somewhat. He used to do so much before: talk, smile, question, laugh, kiss, touch, need, want… And he still does, mind. Just… not always.

Kaoru has yet to complain – vocally.

Toshiya waits.

The guitarist sighs, the sounds of chopsticks clicking against the bowl can be heard.

He says, “I expect an answer, you know.”

Kaoru rolls his eyes (Toshiya can see it even when his eyes are glued to his bowl of rice, it is so normal, so annoying, so _Kaoru_ ) and answers with, “You might want to be careful with what you wish for.”

Cryptic, always so cryptic. Toshiya is getting tired of it.

“Once upon a time there were a guitarist and a bassist who lived together in a nice little apartment. One day, though, the bassist asked the guitarist an important question, to which the guitarist responded with something vague, which made the bassist think that one day he will get enough of it all and just leave,” he says, carefully flat toned with minimal emotion.

“Fairy tales,” Kaoru remarks slowly, “have a habit of ending well. But how about reality?”

Toshiya remains quiet and eats his rice.

One by one.

And Kaoru gets up and leaves the table.

\---

Toshiya easily gets tired of fighting; tired of the sideway glances, the sentences that are meant to confuse rather than help the situation (for there is no yelling or heated arguments or the like in the way the two of them fight – Kaoru is too stubborn, and Toshiya too much of a smart ass, to pass an opportunity to show off his verbal skills) and the atmosphere lingering around the whole apartment.

He is often the one to surrender: to give up and start talking normally again. To Kaoru, to himself in his head, to anyone willing to listen.

Toshiya loves to talk. It is not about the pleasure of hearing his own voice, no; it’s what talking does to people, makes them share their thoughts and helps with communication.

Couples like them, he has learned over the years, need vocal communication to work properly. But certain other forms of communication are also needed, as they both are well aware of.

Toshiya makes his way to the bedroom where Kaoru is taking a nap, sits down next to his lover and wakes him up with a kiss on the lips.

Kaoru murmurs his name sleepily and pulls him down against his chest.

For a moment, Toshiya feels like purring.

“We’re alright again?” Kaoru asks him while running his fingers through his long hair. Toshiya loves the touch (and this time he actually does purr – almost as real as their cat, says Kaoru, and they share a smile) and the way Kaoru’s warm hands make him feel.

Cared for.

Loved.

Important.

“Yes,” a quiet voice and soft lips pressing against the other’s cheek, “we’re alright.”

Kaoru smiles, one of his rare, beautiful smiles he saves only for Toshiya (they’ve been through so much over the years, in good and bad; so much and more, Toshiya remembers and feels the familiar emotions coursing through him, the love, the closeness, the overwhelming need to simply _be_ with Kaoru, _till death do us part_ , and it feels like their two bodies have long since forgotten the time they were just one) and the bassist leans in for a kiss.

\--

“We should make love now.”

Kaoru looks at him. “Alright, then why don’t you spread your legs for me?”

Toshiya chuckles. “Silly Kaoru.”

Kaoru kisses the corner of his mouth. “Not silly.”

“If you say so, my manly man,” Toshiya teases, and lets out a small squeak when Kaoru suddenly bites his neck.

“You should be gentler towards your lover,” he half complains.

“Why, when said lover has never before complained?” Kaoru counters, “I think that he likes it, actually...”

Toshiya’s next words, “You wish,” are muffled by warm lips against his own, and he soon finds himself underneath Kaoru’s body; the pillows under his head and Kaoru’s comforting weight pinning him down against the white sheets, their gentle kisses and the knowledge that it would always be perfect like this are Toshiya’s happiness right now, this very moment, now and always.

Kaoru’s kisses move lower to his neck, his beard tickles Toshiya’s sensitive skin and he cannot stop squirming a little, accompanied by a small chuckle, and all movement stills.

“Tickles,” he gives as an explanation.

“Well I’m not getting rid of it,” is the answer.

“Not even the mustache? You have to admit it makes you look… well…”

“Well what? Pretty damn hot, that’s what it does.”

Toshiya laughs. “Not exactly what I had in mind.”

Kaoru snorts. “Now be quiet, you brat. I believe there was something that just got interrupted…”

Toshiya raises his eyebrows. “Brat?”

“Well you are.”

“Am not.”

“Are.”

“Am not!”

“Are. Now will you let me continue?”

Toshiya quiets down and watches as their clothes start to disappear, slowly but surely, with a lot of kissing and touching from both parties to make the job harder. It’s only when no clothing remains in between their two bodies that Toshiya makes his move. He flips them over and looks down at a slightly confused looking Kaoru.

“What…?”

Toshiya rubs his crotch slowly against Kaoru’s (who lets out a small hiss at the contact), and smiles seductively. “Just a little… change in the plans.”

“So you think you can take me just like that?”

Toshiya smirks. “Sure.” He moves a hand down to grip Kaoru’s hard cock, already slick with precum. “It’s not even that hard… for me, anyway,” and he moves his hand up and down, down and up, slow and quick in turn.

Kaoru moans.

“See? You’re enjoying it,” Toshiya says and begins to prepare his lover, only to moan when suddenly there is a finger inside of him and Kaoru has gotten their positions reversed.

Kaoru grins. “See, you’re enjoying it too!”

“Not the point,” Toshiya groans then gathers all of his strength and flips them over again, this time for good. He looks down at his Kaoru, pins his hands next to the pillow with one hand and kisses the side of Kaoru’s mouth. “No moving now, okay?”

And Kaoru, for once, complies without further complaints; he watches Toshiya’s movements, gentle and precise and so, _so_ enjoyable until the other slides into him when there’s a hint of pain followed by endless amounts of pleasure for them both, pleasure and moans and broken pieces of dialogue consisting of their respective names and all the things they are doing to each other, want to do to each other, and simply how _good_ they make each other feel.

Eventually Toshiya pulls away and lies down in his lover’s arms, snuggles up to him and smiles, satisfied.

“Mm, that was nice.”

Kaoru runs his fingers down Toshiya’s hair and to his back, feathery light touches that make Toshiya shiver oh so deliciously. “It was, but what’s with the bossiness?”

“It was my turn.”

Kaoru blinks. “Your turn? Do you actually count the times or something?”

Toshiya shrugs. “Felt like my turn, anyway.”

“Oh? Well, it’s mine now, then!”

“Now?” Toshiya eyes Kaoru’s still soft cock, one eyebrow raised and basically radiating disbelief mixed with superiority. “I really don’t think that you have it in you to carry out that statement, Kao _darling_.”

Kaoru huffs. “Give me some time and I will do that and more.”

A whisper, “Old man…”

“Hey! I heard that, you know!”

An innocent smile. “What? You hearing things again, lover?”

Kaoru groans and kisses Toshiya’s lips to shut him up.

\--

**00:57**

The alarm clock’s red numbers shine in the darkness, illuminating two people all tangled up with each other, their bodies cooling off in the midst of messy white sheets; Toshiya looks at his lover, asleep and breathing steady, and smiles before cuddling back against Kaoru’s chest.


End file.
